How Are You Not Dead?

The 5-year-old wanted to know something.

“Mama, how many times have you crashed a car?” he asked.

“None,” she said.

“Daddy, how many times have you crashed your car?”

“Are we going to count both me hitting things and things hitting me?” I said.

“Yes.”

“Are we only counting when I was driving? Or are we counting all the times I’ve been a passenger, too?”

“All the times.”

“And does it have to be cars? Or everything?”

“Everything.”

“What about if there was no damage, and we all just walked away?”

“Everything,” he said.

“Eleven.”

“Eleven?”

“Yep.”

“Holy shit,” said my wife. “You’ve been in 11 car accidents?”

“I may be forgetting one or two,” I said. “But right now, I’m going to say 11.”

“How are you not dead?” she asked.

“Hey, that’d be a great name for the blog.”